Questions to ask your self:
Do you feel controlled by your partner?
Take a moment to tune into your feelings. Do you feel free to say and do what you want? Or, are you scared of his reaction, so you give up saying and doing what you want? Think about how his reactions intimidate and frighten you, and limit your life in so many ways.
Do you feel afraid?
Controlling partners use intimidation to control you and get what they want. They can use scary behavior like throwing things, destroying your possessions, or hurting a pet. They can just give you the “look” that tells you, you better comply or else.
Do you feel isolated and lonely?
Controlling partners can make it very difficult for you to keep up with family and friends. Do you give up going out socially, visiting with family, or attending family events? The controlling partner makes it so unbearable for you by using severe putdowns and/or devaluing your family and friends. In the end, you give up and give in to avoid the emotional pain, and find yourself alone and isolated.
Do you feel guilty about your partner’s bad behavior?
A controlling partner rarely, if ever, takes responsibility for his abusive behavior. He does, however, hold you responsible by blaming you for making him angry, and even abusive. In other words, the controlling partner believes you caused it. In time, you can internalize this blame into self-blame, believing you caused it. Bottom line, you are not responsible for his choice to be abusive.
Do you feel worse about yourself now than before the relationship started?
Poor self esteem, depression, anxiety etc. result from living with a controlling partner who blames, ridicules and criticizes you. These constant negative assaults contribute to your confusion and self-doubt. Once this occurs, you’re at risk of believing his false accusations that seriously impact your mental health. The worse you feel, the more controllable you are.
By now you know or suspect that your partner is controlling your life and causing you to feel badly about yourself. Now is a good time to take a step to help your self. Get more educated. Visit “Controlling Partner” on my website for more information. Also, the “Resources” may direct you to help in your area.
