Defenses and inhibitory emotions prevent us from dropping into our core emotions
Key points:
- Using the change triangle helps us recognize defenses and inhibitory emotions.
- Defenses and inhibitory emotions such as anxiety, guilt, and shame keep us from feeling core feelings
- When we can experience core feelings, we can be more present and live in an authentic state.
Recognizing feelings and knowing what gets in the way of feeling are central to most models of psychotherapy. When we can become aware of our defenses against feeling, we see that we are protecting ourselves from what might be unbearable or uncomfortable emotions, which often arise from earlier harmful experiences. Accessing the feelings in a gradual and supportive way brings awareness and an increasing tolerance of emotions that allows for living more fully.
The Change Triangle
The change triangle is a wonderful tool that Hilary Jacobs Hendel offers in her book It’s Not Always Depression; it gives us a “map of the mind, a logical and science-based path to follow for relief and recovery.” (Hendel, 2018, p 15).
This visual tool includes defenses, inhibitory emotions, and core emotions. When we can drop down and be with core emotions, then we are living in “an open-hearted state of an authentic self.” Hendel explains that when we are in our authentic self, we can be “calm, connected, curious, compassionate, confident, courageous, and clear.”
The triangle has “defenses–anything we do to avoid feeling” in the top left-hand corner. Directly across the top of the triangle in the right-hand corner is “inhibitory emotions–anxiety, shame, and guilt.” Both defenses and inhibitory emotions get in the way of dropping down to our core emotions—represented at the base of the triangle–fear, anger, sadness, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual excitement.
Defenses–anything we do to avoid feeling
Defenses are clever ways our mind keeps us from feeling pain or being overwhelmed. While it’s important to appreciate our defenses, they get in the way of being fully present. Some examples of defenses: arrogance, addictions, overeating, excessively working, not talking, not listening, criticizing, coercing. A great deal of energy becomes invested in avoiding discomfort.
Inhibitory Emotions
Painful emotions—such as anxiety, shame, or guilt—inhibit us from dropping into core feelings. Inhibitory emotions often develop as a result of early life negative experiences and longings to stay connected with others. For example, if you had an easily angered parent, you might have become anxious and strived to be the “good” kid to please that parent. Perhaps, you still feel shame as a result of an internalized negative belief of “not good enough” from the angered parent’s hurtful criticism. You might then accommodate others in relationships such as with bosses, coworkers, intimate partners, or friends, to stay connected. Some clients experience guilt, yet they haven’t done anything wrong. Current circumstances can trigger old issues and feelings that don’t fit in the present.
Core Feelings
Defenses and inhibitory emotions keep us stuck. They interfere with experiencing our core feelings. To get to feeling ever so present, safe, and fully connected in being our self is a state worth working towards.
What to Do
I suggest to clients that they put the triangle in a place where they will see it frequently. Then ask themselves, where are they at that moment on the triangle? What are they aware of? A core feeling, a defense, or an inhibitory emotion.
Anxiety, an inhibitory emotion, can be experienced when we suppress core feelings. I ask clients when they identify anxiety, what they imagine they might be feeling. Most often than not, they can identify the emotion—fear or sadness. The same can be done with defenses. What might they be afraid of feeling when they choose to withdraw and not talk, for example?
The change triangle can help to raise awareness about how one can cope that might not be serving one so well. Addressing what led to harnessing feelings gives insight into one’s struggles. Seeking therapy can help with relief and recovery from earlier hurtful experiences.
This article first appeared on Psychology Today.
