The first step is identifying coercive tactics in their partner’s behavior.
KEY POINTS
- Identifying intimate partner abuse often begins with identifying coercive tactics.
- Coercive tactics cause specific psychological effects like anxiety and a loss of trust in one’s judgment.
- Getting emotionally stronger via trauma recovery allows for emerging clarity and change.
In an intimate abusive relationship, many clients who seek treatment are looking for help and yet are unaware of what they actually need help with. Survivors of abuse can present with confusion, anxiety, low self-esteem, loss of trust in their perceptions, and powerless to make a difference in their life. Unclear of how they came to feel entrapped, survivors often do not see that their situation is caused by their partner’s coercive behaviors. Mental health professionals can facilitate change by helping a survivor to unpack the elements of their abusive experience with their intimate partner via psycho-education and trauma recovery.
First: Identify the coercive tactics of psychological abuse
When physical abuse is involved, it’s a clear indicator abuse is taking place. It’s the psychological abuse, with or without physical violence, that is hard to recognize and has the powerful effect on the victim causing confusion and trauma.
Psychological abuse is made up of coercive tactics often embedded in repetitive behaviors. It can be a disapproving look, a put-down, being ignored, being called vulgar names, not listening or responding, twisting the meaning of your words, blaming, intentionally making you feel guilty, threats of all kinds from abandonment to suicide to taking the children away, etc. As a first step, you should identify if coercive tactics are occurring.
In my practice, when I begin hearing signs of possible coercion in a person’s intimate relationship, I inquire further and ask if they would be willing to complete my Controlling Behavior Checklist. In so doing, we are both able to recognize evidence of abuse that’s often hard to see at the outset unless it’s listed and checked off like a grocery list. This often becomes a pivotal moment from not knowing or perhaps suspecting, to seriously taking stock of your experience with abuse in your intimate relationship. Once you see all the checks indicating the behaviors as abusive, you cannot un-see them. Using a checklist of coercive behaviors saves time and helps you begin to make meaning.
Second: Understand the nature of coercive tactics and “hidden injuries”
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