By processing the trauma, survivors can regain agency and strength.
KEY POINTS
- Survivors of intimate partner abuse experience a decline in confidence and self-worth.
- Recovery is about recognizing the abuse endured, the depth of one’s suffering, and finding self-compassion.
- Mourning the self and the many losses brings a return of well-being and agency.
As a significant other in an intimate relationship with an abusive partner, it’s inevitable that you will eventually experience a decline in the sense of well-being. Feelings of self-worth can slide as trepidation is felt around the partner who was expected to be kind and loving and now intimidates and degrades.
The profound changes that occur embody trauma and many losses. In recovery, a survivor of intimate partner abuse develops self-compassion as they recognize their suffering—self-compassion and mourning the losses that help them move through healing to love and care for themselves.
Survivors of Intimate Partner Abuse
Intimate partner abuse is devastating to those who experience it. You can come to feel entrapped in the relationship rather than participating as an equal partner. You may start out expecting the latter but insidiously over time coercive tactics show up in your partner’s behavior that are often undetected at first.
Still, you can become deeply and traumatically affected. Eventually, as a recipient of coercive abuse, you will no longer feel like yourself. You can become anxious, depressed, feel incompetent, lose the capacity to trust your own perception and blame yourself for problems in the relationship.
In my recovery groups for women with controlling partners, we start by examining coercive tactics that are or have been at play in their relationships and identifying their hidden injuries. For example, degradation and humiliation is a common and powerful abuse tactic that attacks your character, strengths, and sense of self.
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